In this season of my life, I have a lot of time to think. It's both a blessing and a curse. I'm alone to marinate in my thoughts as I go about the day, until I think I’m gonna go C.R.A.Z.Y. I need a second opinion, people!! This is way too much Susie Ambrose
for me. She just won't shut up.
(Side note: I'm amazed at how pregnancy affects my brain - it's so much harder to think! I drove 20 min to the store the other day only to drive 20 min straight back because I'd forgotten to close the door ... only to find it closed. Facepalm.)
Even though I'm still in the process of finding new friends, I’m constantly working through a list of things to do. Errands re the house, grocery shopping, dealing with fixers and
providers, hitting the gym and making time for yoga, cooking, cleaning,
Skyping, laundry, doing my coursework, etc. The more peaceful to-dos like Bible study can fall by the wayside, as my true priority list deviates to my ‘hey, this makes
me feel productive!’ list. Hubby sometimes laments that I can’t sit still
through an entire movie with him.
Today I found myself crashed out on the semi-dressed spare bed,
my fingers hooking onto my sneakers in one hand and a bill in the other. The sun was warming the white linen and making the
golden-painted walls shine. Moments like that are my bliss. When I finally stop
and lie down. That’s when the little boy starts moving. There’s a small nudge
in one side of my belly, next thing there’s a soft kick to the other. I smile, because it almost feels like he’s saying, ‘Good job, Mommy! You’re resting!’
After spending ample time in an 80% unfurnished house and
feeling pretty lonely at times, I realized recently that I was focusing on lack
instead of abundance. We all have things we wish were different in our lives and
it will be that way until we die.
It’s great to have goals in life, but it can create the
equation of: ‘effort à
acquiring à
happiness’. This way of thinking puts happiness out of our reach, because the
goal posts always move! Something new and different soon grabs our attention, ensuring
that we can never be content with what we have. I’m sick of living by that
equation, aren't you? I want happiness and contentment right
now.
Positive thoughts reframe our whole lives. They are the difference between frustration at the stain marks over
the table and delight that we have a table in the first place. They move us
from an anxious, poor, dissatisfied and tired experience of life into a
peaceful, rich, satiated and energized experience of life. And nothing has to
change apart from our thoughts and attitude!
There’s this commercial for Direct TV that shows a painfully
awkward guy being awkward. Then, the same guy dressed all slick and cool walks
into the frame and says, ‘Don’t be like this me, get rid of cable and upgrade
to Direct TV.’ I prodded the hubby and said, ‘This is the problem! This is how
we’re made to think!’ Hubby nodded in agreement, in all likelihood rolling
his eyes internally and thinking: great, here she goes again.
Whatever our issues are, perhaps it would help to ruminate less about the problem and evasive solution, and more about how to be grateful for what we have? Enjoying the good moments, the good
people and the good things, however small they may feature.
I'm trying it out anyway, and I have a sneaky feeling that the rest will begin to fall
into place ...
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